Posts Tagged ‘alcohol’
Hell yeah! This is the kind of science I like! Researchers found out that alcohol gives you Jedi-like abilities, makes you smarter and basically a better person. I already knew that it makes ugly people look good and makes me take a big steaming dump on the tiny bit of social awareness I have left in me. But this was new to me!
Psychologists at the University of Illinois set 40 healthy young men a series of brain teasers. They involved being given three words, such as coin, quick and spoon, and coming up with a fourth word that links the three – in this case, silver.
My problem with these kind of tests is that I associate almost everything with Hitler. And people are really irritated when you start yelling Hitler a lot. Especially at Bingo.
Half the group drank the equivalent of two pints of beer before doing the tests, while the rest carried them out sober. The drinking group solved nearly 40 per cent more problems than the others, and took an average of 12 seconds compared to the 15.5 seconds needed by sober subjects.
Now the two pints I drink every morning are officially justified. Take that, wifey! I am drinking smart juice! Some call me an alcoholic but truly smart people recognize my increased thinking ability and my superhuman wit. As a matter of fact I just jugged half a bottle of whiskey, since, I figured, more brain fuel equals better resultz ahnd jkdif hf .d kf — jf03 jf,n …dj donk. fjhs.